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And For Other People's Entertainment...
Dec. 14th, 2006 12:07 am...assuming they appreciate my version of humour in the mood I'm currently in, and 'cos it sure as hell isn't for mine...
A dramatisation, complete with stage directions, of what happens when a customer goes to see the council about money they owe him.
Customer: *Walks in, takes ticket, realises that ticket is unnecessary as there is no queue. Approaches window.* Good afternoon.
Airhead behind glass (hereafter referred to as ABG): Good afternoon. How can I help?
Customer: *Thinks "You should know - I had to specify what I was coming to see you about when I took a ticket."* I'd like to enquire as to the progress of my claim for housing benefit.
ABG: *Looks puzzled for a second, then someone feeds the hamster in the wheel.* Certainly. Can I take your address please?
Customer: 60 Upper East Hayes *Thinks "Same as it was last time I came to see you."*
ABG: *Ponders over computer, possibly looking for where to put the coal.* Ah yes, here we are. Um...hang on, there seems to be a problem.
Customer: Really? Another one? I was informed that all problems had been sorted on my last visit here.
ABG: Hang on, I'll just call upstairs.
Customer: Of course. *Thinks "Not like I have anywhere better to be, or anything."*
ABG: *Uses phone, after a couple of seconds working out how it works. Speaks to someone who uses words of more than one syllable. Requires them to be repeated.*
Customer: *Considers how this claim may actually be moving forward if he were dealing directly with whoever was on the end of the phone.*
ABG: Right, according to the person upstairs...
Customer: *Thinks "They don't even tell you their name - must be at least three grades higher than you."*
ABG: ...there's a discrepancy between what the Jobcentre define as the times you were liable for rent, and between what you defined. Can you confirm when you are liable for it?
Customer: *Thinks "That must have come verbatim from upstairs."* Well, that is defined on my tenancy agreement...*Thinks "Go on, say it."*
ABG: Ah yes, could you send us that?
Customer: *"Yes, there we go."*...that I sent you last week, and you have since returned to me with compliments, first class post.
ABG: Did we?
Customer: *Nods sagely* Yes...yes you did.
ABG: Hang on, I'll just look on the computer.
Customer: Why thank you.
ABG: Ah yes, here it is. Well, that was the only thing that was holding up the claim, so it'll now be passed upstairs and be dealt with.
Customer: *Sighs with relief* So I'll be hearing from you this week, as I've now been waiting since the sixth of October?
ABG: Oh no, probably next week - they're dealt with in date order, you see, so they'll get to you when they get to you.
Customer: *Considers examining the bullet-proof nature of the glass with his M&S umbrella, currently rolled ever so slightly less tightly than his temper, and other solid and unyielding objects close to hand.* Next week.
ABG: Yes, around then.
Customer: Thank you. Thank you very much indeed. Good afternoon. *Leaves.*
If I acted with that degree of stupidity in the course of work, my department would be dragged even further over the coals and I'd be out of a job. It's not the ABG's personal fault, but she actually believed that the procedures she is describing to me are acceptable. That is her fault. Looks like I'm going to be waiting until the new year for money I stopped claiming on the twenty-seventh of November.
I'll be going back there on Friday to make sure there haven't been any more "little discrepancies".
A dramatisation, complete with stage directions, of what happens when a customer goes to see the council about money they owe him.
Customer: *Walks in, takes ticket, realises that ticket is unnecessary as there is no queue. Approaches window.* Good afternoon.
Airhead behind glass (hereafter referred to as ABG): Good afternoon. How can I help?
Customer: *Thinks "You should know - I had to specify what I was coming to see you about when I took a ticket."* I'd like to enquire as to the progress of my claim for housing benefit.
ABG: *Looks puzzled for a second, then someone feeds the hamster in the wheel.* Certainly. Can I take your address please?
Customer: 60 Upper East Hayes *Thinks "Same as it was last time I came to see you."*
ABG: *Ponders over computer, possibly looking for where to put the coal.* Ah yes, here we are. Um...hang on, there seems to be a problem.
Customer: Really? Another one? I was informed that all problems had been sorted on my last visit here.
ABG: Hang on, I'll just call upstairs.
Customer: Of course. *Thinks "Not like I have anywhere better to be, or anything."*
ABG: *Uses phone, after a couple of seconds working out how it works. Speaks to someone who uses words of more than one syllable. Requires them to be repeated.*
Customer: *Considers how this claim may actually be moving forward if he were dealing directly with whoever was on the end of the phone.*
ABG: Right, according to the person upstairs...
Customer: *Thinks "They don't even tell you their name - must be at least three grades higher than you."*
ABG: ...there's a discrepancy between what the Jobcentre define as the times you were liable for rent, and between what you defined. Can you confirm when you are liable for it?
Customer: *Thinks "That must have come verbatim from upstairs."* Well, that is defined on my tenancy agreement...*Thinks "Go on, say it."*
ABG: Ah yes, could you send us that?
Customer: *"Yes, there we go."*...that I sent you last week, and you have since returned to me with compliments, first class post.
ABG: Did we?
Customer: *Nods sagely* Yes...yes you did.
ABG: Hang on, I'll just look on the computer.
Customer: Why thank you.
ABG: Ah yes, here it is. Well, that was the only thing that was holding up the claim, so it'll now be passed upstairs and be dealt with.
Customer: *Sighs with relief* So I'll be hearing from you this week, as I've now been waiting since the sixth of October?
ABG: Oh no, probably next week - they're dealt with in date order, you see, so they'll get to you when they get to you.
Customer: *Considers examining the bullet-proof nature of the glass with his M&S umbrella, currently rolled ever so slightly less tightly than his temper, and other solid and unyielding objects close to hand.* Next week.
ABG: Yes, around then.
Customer: Thank you. Thank you very much indeed. Good afternoon. *Leaves.*
If I acted with that degree of stupidity in the course of work, my department would be dragged even further over the coals and I'd be out of a job. It's not the ABG's personal fault, but she actually believed that the procedures she is describing to me are acceptable. That is her fault. Looks like I'm going to be waiting until the new year for money I stopped claiming on the twenty-seventh of November.
I'll be going back there on Friday to make sure there haven't been any more "little discrepancies".
