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Outside The Yard, Somewhere...
Jun. 25th, 2010 11:53 am...a figure is leaning against the wall. If his eyes were open, he'd be looking at the floor.
So tired...
Each night, sleep hasn't come easy. He's gone to bed earlier and earlier, and lay there longer and longer trying to rest. He's tried to avoid disturbing Seth, but he's been the last of the two of them to fall asleep on nearly every occasion. He's been lucky to get six hours a night, and most times it's nearer four.
On duty for nine months straight. Not a day's leave, not showing a second's weakness, not giving them a reason to think you can't take it all. You read about things. Soldiers going nuts because they haven't got any release.
It's not just sleep. The building work he's been using to physically train over the last few months has left him bone weary, and the food he's been eating hasn't been enough to sustain what has become his bodyframe. There are aches in just about every joint and most muscles. It's hot, he's badly washed, and probably looks terrible to boot. He looks down at his clothes, imagining the puckers and scars beneath them that only Rose or Ethan tend to see, and wonders how many more will blossom before this is over.
In the yard, the beatings will be continuing. Most of the party have the good sense to stay out of the way, but some just catch it because of who they are.
Sharoar, what a fucking shame.
This isn't right. Not even prison should be like this. You promised the JP you'd never go back, and this is why. These people aren't cut out for prison. Fuck it, you're not cut out for prison. A week in a local nick back home wasn't enough to prepare you for this. Some of them will never properly leave. Like it or not, this is going to be with them for the rest of their lives.
For the last few days, everyone's been running around information gathering, trying to find out whether or not the altar is being used for human sacrifices. If it is, and he gave his word, it's going down before they leave.
In the back of his mind, he knows it is.
What if this all goes wrong? What if, at some point, there's nothing left in you to work? You're going to tell your body to do something and it just isn't going to respond - not because you don't want it to, but because it doesn't have anything left to give. Who takes over?
Fuck you, soldier. You are the party commander - it is your station to look after your people. You will do what you have done before and you will stop complaining. Collapse and die when it's over, not before.
...
Yes sir.
So tired...
This is going to hurt. With the best will in the world, some might not make it out alive. Everyone would make it out, he was damned if that was going to change any time soon, but the number who may be dead before it happens is a messy, unpleasant thought.
He looks up briefly, then back down to the floor again, sighing.
My Lady Valkyrie, I'm pretty much at my limit here. You know I will never give up on them, but I'm afraid I'm going to fail when they need me the most. I promise you that the time I fall to my knees will be the time I cannot stand by myself. When that happens, I'm going to need you to carry me.
If that involves you carrying me home, and it gets the others out safe, I'll have some of that.
So tired...
Each night, sleep hasn't come easy. He's gone to bed earlier and earlier, and lay there longer and longer trying to rest. He's tried to avoid disturbing Seth, but he's been the last of the two of them to fall asleep on nearly every occasion. He's been lucky to get six hours a night, and most times it's nearer four.
On duty for nine months straight. Not a day's leave, not showing a second's weakness, not giving them a reason to think you can't take it all. You read about things. Soldiers going nuts because they haven't got any release.
It's not just sleep. The building work he's been using to physically train over the last few months has left him bone weary, and the food he's been eating hasn't been enough to sustain what has become his bodyframe. There are aches in just about every joint and most muscles. It's hot, he's badly washed, and probably looks terrible to boot. He looks down at his clothes, imagining the puckers and scars beneath them that only Rose or Ethan tend to see, and wonders how many more will blossom before this is over.
In the yard, the beatings will be continuing. Most of the party have the good sense to stay out of the way, but some just catch it because of who they are.
Sharoar, what a fucking shame.
This isn't right. Not even prison should be like this. You promised the JP you'd never go back, and this is why. These people aren't cut out for prison. Fuck it, you're not cut out for prison. A week in a local nick back home wasn't enough to prepare you for this. Some of them will never properly leave. Like it or not, this is going to be with them for the rest of their lives.
For the last few days, everyone's been running around information gathering, trying to find out whether or not the altar is being used for human sacrifices. If it is, and he gave his word, it's going down before they leave.
In the back of his mind, he knows it is.
What if this all goes wrong? What if, at some point, there's nothing left in you to work? You're going to tell your body to do something and it just isn't going to respond - not because you don't want it to, but because it doesn't have anything left to give. Who takes over?
Fuck you, soldier. You are the party commander - it is your station to look after your people. You will do what you have done before and you will stop complaining. Collapse and die when it's over, not before.
...
Yes sir.
So tired...
This is going to hurt. With the best will in the world, some might not make it out alive. Everyone would make it out, he was damned if that was going to change any time soon, but the number who may be dead before it happens is a messy, unpleasant thought.
He looks up briefly, then back down to the floor again, sighing.
My Lady Valkyrie, I'm pretty much at my limit here. You know I will never give up on them, but I'm afraid I'm going to fail when they need me the most. I promise you that the time I fall to my knees will be the time I cannot stand by myself. When that happens, I'm going to need you to carry me.
If that involves you carrying me home, and it gets the others out safe, I'll have some of that.
