I Am A Prick...

[magicaddict]

...and so are my characters.

With full knowledge, intention and ability to stop myself, my characters keep coming out with the nasties. Putting people down, taking the piss and either finding ways to get out of it or shrugging and letting someone else handle the problem.

It doesn't matter who the character is, it seems to be a mirror for everything about myself I truly hate, whether it's boring, insulting, offensive, or just unwilling to consider other people's feelings. This makes them pricks. The fact that despite the fact I don't want them to do it, never designed the characters to do it, and given the choice wouldn't do it, I do it, and offend people, makes me a prick too. I don't care that's it's in character, and that others may not be offended by it on an OOC basis. I bloody well am, and every time I realise what I have done it changes my opinions of myself and what I portray.

I don't want this. I don't want any of it. I want to be so far away from what I do every time I show up and time in, and yet I am told it's great.

What. The. Fuck.

Comments

[dbexx.livejournal.com]

Everyone has things about themselves that they don't like, and I think for some people (I include you in this) their flaws and faults are both more evident to themselves than they are to others, and percieved by them as more significant to their personalities than comes across to others.
I've known you for a long time, you are the best friend I have, and I emphatically disagree that you are a prick.
Also, you are a good roleplayer. IC as you well know is not OOC, and your characters are not you. They do things you don't like? Shit, dude, that just means that you're playing well, and have a fully formed character with a personality of their own, not a half formed shadow.

If it is making you feel this bad have you thought about taking some time out from roleplaying?

If none of the above is any use (I'm not hugely coherant, its been a very long week so far) then just know that I am sorry that you are feeling this way, and that I wish there was something I could do to help.

[magicaddict.livejournal.com]

I know that my characters are not me, but when I mentally stop, think "this might well offend someone OOC" and then come out with it anyway, sort of makes it me.

All my characters are is a set of algorithms to translate my mental processes into what the character would do in a given situation. The algorithms are wrong if my hippy freedom priest is deliberately insulting people who might be saving his hoop tomorrow.