As I Bit On Someone Else's...

[magicaddict]

...it's only fair to reciprocate.

Ask any character I've written/played in any system or fiction for advice, and they will provide it, advice columnist style. Your problems or fictional characters' problems both welcome. Management is not responsible for the results of following said advice.

Comments

[magicaddict.livejournal.com]

Dear Not Stupid,

The fact you're asking is probably proof enough that you don't deserve to know, but if you want a suggestion, stop owing them things. Don't take their money. Don't take their aid. Don't take their advice. Never give them a reason to believe you owe them - every time they help you, make sure it's because they owe you, not the other way round. Don't make mistakes. When you do (it happens to us all), fix it yourself, without their help.

Every time they owe you for even the slightest little thing, store it up. Store all of it up. These people are afflicted with a code of honour that runs just beneath their surface - they might pretend otherwise, but when it comes down to it, they can't let the debt go unrepaid (they'll hate it when they realise that).

Then one day, when you need it, you'll be ready to cash it in. For whatever it is you need.

W

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Dear Confused of Tunbridge Wells,

The day after you do.

Regards,

Uncle Gerrard.

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Dear Concerned,

Penguins are a difficult folk - the lack of ability to converse in their first language can make breaking the ice particularly challenging. Suitable attire, at the very least a monkey suit or some other simian-themed get-up, should help raise you up the pecking order neatly. Codfish are also a suitable accessory, and can be worn in place of a tie. However, they must be tail-up. Heads-up fish is a major error.

Hope this helps - if the penguins are a problem, try starting with badgers. They have similar tendencies.

Kind regards,

Uncle Thyrian

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Dear Triplicate,

You have no idea how close I am to losing my job over a single comment. A single comment. Try every single waterfront district of every single town big enough to have one. You've find all number of doxies ready and waiting to de-lonelify you at the drop of a coin. They won't be a hundred percent happy about it, but we don't have the money to save them all, do we?

I'd thank you, but I don't.

Tiaran Hamill,
c/o Temple of Freedom, Exiles Rest

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Dear Hating,

There's no point taking it out on them - they may be responsible for it, but they don't deserve it, and no-one will thank you for it. Worse still, they might turn round and hit you harder, making you look not only a arsehole, but also a wuss.

Better than them, find yourself someone neutral to take it out on - someone who will take it and give it back in equal measure, and who won't hold you responsible for it. I don't know what you use in an office - quills, perhaps? - but beating each other to within an inch of consciousness with heavy metal objects is a great way of being able to turn back towards those dicks who have made your life hard work, and be as civil and polite to them as they haven't been to you.

Enhance your calm,

Uncle Gerrard

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Dear Curious,

Wish I bloody knew.

If I were feeling partiularly arrogant, I would say that it had something to do with being such a loved and cherished mentor that it is felt that your charges simply cannot do without you, but I'm not, and in any event, I'm rather learning the error of such thoughts at the moment. In truth, you get damned lucky, and the patronage of a mostly beneovlent race of godlike beings at exacty the right time.

Live well, and try to be good. Might well be enough.

Pasema ture Sentrus,

Jarreth