As I Bit On Someone Else's...

[magicaddict]

...it's only fair to reciprocate.

Ask any character I've written/played in any system or fiction for advice, and they will provide it, advice columnist style. Your problems or fictional characters' problems both welcome. Management is not responsible for the results of following said advice.

Comments

[aralli.livejournal.com]

Disclaimer: Most of these aren't actually from characters of mine!



Dear Uncle Watcher,

How can a scout who doesn't want to join a guild get ahead? There must be ways to get in on those lovely creature-spotting lectures and stabby throat slitting lessons without having to promise to spend your life babysitting morons.

Not Stupid Enough To Be A Defender, The Wet And Windy Isle



Dear Uncle Gerrard,

When are you joining the Uniform Dating Service?

My Friend Made Me Send This, Tunbridge Wells



Dear Uncle Thyrian,

When visiting penguins, is it necessary to wear formal attire?

Concerned About Avian Etiquette, Heusenberg



Dear Uncle Tiaran,

Whereabouts on the standard requisition form does one enter a request for prostitutes?

If I'm Entering This In Triplicate I Want To Get It Right First Time, Somewhere Lonely



Dear Uncle Gerrard

Sometimes my colleagues really wind me up. How do you stop yourself from hitting annoying co-workers with a mace?

Hating Open Plan Offices, Oxfordshire



Dear Uncle Jarreth,

Coming back as a non-necromantic spirit sounds awfully interesting. If one were to hypothetically plan to achieve this over the next few centuries, where would one begin?

Curious About Everything, Maiden Ery

[magicaddict.livejournal.com]

Dear Not Stupid,

The fact you're asking is probably proof enough that you don't deserve to know, but if you want a suggestion, stop owing them things. Don't take their money. Don't take their aid. Don't take their advice. Never give them a reason to believe you owe them - every time they help you, make sure it's because they owe you, not the other way round. Don't make mistakes. When you do (it happens to us all), fix it yourself, without their help.

Every time they owe you for even the slightest little thing, store it up. Store all of it up. These people are afflicted with a code of honour that runs just beneath their surface - they might pretend otherwise, but when it comes down to it, they can't let the debt go unrepaid (they'll hate it when they realise that).

Then one day, when you need it, you'll be ready to cash it in. For whatever it is you need.

W

_________________


Dear Confused of Tunbridge Wells,

The day after you do.

Regards,

Uncle Gerrard.

__________________


Dear Concerned,

Penguins are a difficult folk - the lack of ability to converse in their first language can make breaking the ice particularly challenging. Suitable attire, at the very least a monkey suit or some other simian-themed get-up, should help raise you up the pecking order neatly. Codfish are also a suitable accessory, and can be worn in place of a tie. However, they must be tail-up. Heads-up fish is a major error.

Hope this helps - if the penguins are a problem, try starting with badgers. They have similar tendencies.

Kind regards,

Uncle Thyrian

__________________


Dear Triplicate,

You have no idea how close I am to losing my job over a single comment. A single comment. Try every single waterfront district of every single town big enough to have one. You've find all number of doxies ready and waiting to de-lonelify you at the drop of a coin. They won't be a hundred percent happy about it, but we don't have the money to save them all, do we?

I'd thank you, but I don't.

Tiaran Hamill,
c/o Temple of Freedom, Exiles Rest

___________________


Dear Hating,

There's no point taking it out on them - they may be responsible for it, but they don't deserve it, and no-one will thank you for it. Worse still, they might turn round and hit you harder, making you look not only a arsehole, but also a wuss.

Better than them, find yourself someone neutral to take it out on - someone who will take it and give it back in equal measure, and who won't hold you responsible for it. I don't know what you use in an office - quills, perhaps? - but beating each other to within an inch of consciousness with heavy metal objects is a great way of being able to turn back towards those dicks who have made your life hard work, and be as civil and polite to them as they haven't been to you.

Enhance your calm,

Uncle Gerrard

___________________


Dear Curious,

Wish I bloody knew.

If I were feeling partiularly arrogant, I would say that it had something to do with being such a loved and cherished mentor that it is felt that your charges simply cannot do without you, but I'm not, and in any event, I'm rather learning the error of such thoughts at the moment. In truth, you get damned lucky, and the patronage of a mostly beneovlent race of godlike beings at exacty the right time.

Live well, and try to be good. Might well be enough.

Pasema ture Sentrus,

Jarreth

[xanthipe]

Dear Uncle Thyrian,

I have a serious problem. There's this girl, and I really love her to the point that I never want to leave her - unfortunately, this means that I'm effectively exiled from home, as she would never want to leave hers and mine is a very long way away. There's also the slight problem that my gods may ask me to perform offices for them in exchange for saving my soul, which could cause problems with her work. What should I do?

Torn in Two, Heusenberg

[magicaddict.livejournal.com]

Dear Torn,

Yeah, that's bad. Not going to try to tell you it isn't.

My first thought is you need to weigh how much you trust this person. It is said that if you trust someone with a secret, you trust everyone they trust as well, but there are some secrets that most people can be expected to keep if they value you as much as you value them. If you think you can get away with it, tell her about it - be open and honest, in confidence. If your situation is going to be a dealbreaker, it will either be one now, or one later, and there is no point waiting around only for it to all fall down further along the line: It does neither of you any good mentally, and depending on the circumstances, might be disrespectful of her maturity.

Take a deep breath, look before you leap, and let her know. If she's still there in the aftermath, you'll both be ten times stronger, and closer, for it.

Best of luck,

Uncle Thyrian